Dentist or Divinity?

As I sat in the dentist today for 2 hours - yes, that's right, 2 hours - my nerves felt on end and I though this must be what torture is like except they don't give you novacane.

Then I thought - everything can be divine, even a trip to the dentist. Maybe not divine in the sense that I have some completely cosmic out there experience. But maybe on the path, divinity is often more subtle. Maybe now is the time to find divinity in my heart - in a simple feeling of love.

Swami has mentioned over the last few months that in the practice of puja we learn to control our energy. He talked about this a lot in terms of prana prathishth

a and establishing the pot. He said we take the energy for the deity, put it into the pot, take the energy from our heart, put it into the yantra, then take the energy back and put it into our heart.

He said we have all this divine energy, we can start to control it and give it away to wherever and whoever we want. "I have this flower of God's love in my heart and I want you to have it."

I suppose then, even a trip to the dentist's office can be an opportunity to offer a flower of God's love to another.

Jai Guru.

Hi Again and Sailaputri Ma

So much has happened since my last post. [I have some writing from this time period stored on my computer, which I will try to soon edit and publish with its proper date.]

Good news first: I have begun performing the entire Cosmic Puja at the mandir, and will be staying at the temple for 2 months as the cosmic pujari when Maa and Swami go away to India.

I am very happy and grateful for this - it is the first time in more than two years I will be able to settle in in one place without driving back and forth all the time, and get to focus on my sadhana. And at the mandir no less - at the Cosmic Altar, in front of Mahalakshmi and all the deities, with the spiritual vibrations of the temple, and Maa and Swami's blessings.

Things are going well with Maa and Swami too. As time goes on, I feel more and more comfortable with them and that I can be myself - be real with them. And as the relationship grows, so does my seva. Or maybe the relationship grows because of my seva. I dont know, but anyways, they are growing together.

However, I've also gotten myself into some trouble over these last months with interpersonal issues. Completely unexpected, but hey, that's part of my life. I've learned a lot, I've made a lot of mistakes that are seeming to have some large kickbacks, which I go in and out of feeling very sad about, but I feel good knowing that now I'm picking up some of the pieces and moving forward. It's funny too that at this time I'm picking back up this blog, and it feels really good.

So, moving right along, here's my story for the day:

Today was not a great day for Shivani. I was very upset and depressed, with translated into not eating well, in bed a lot, never showered, did no sadhana…have you ever had one of those days?

I had been feeling good too and really getting into a rhythm with my puja, which I knew Divine Mother was very happy about. I had done my puja before leaving for the mandir this past weekend, and as of getting back last night and this morning and dealing with the emotions and upset of everything, still had not cleaned it.

I started to watch the Mandir class on Hanuman Puja at 6 pm tonight (you should check it out - it's very inspiring), and even typed in a question to be asked at the end, but then I fell asleep about halfway through the class, as I was lying in bed watching (note to self: [please sit up for class). When I woke up it was a little past 9 and dark outside.

I got out of bed, and looked for my phone to see if anyone had called (mostly, to see if I had missed a class from Maa). I was still feeling very groggy and depressed, but I had a bit of inspiration and told myself ok im going to at least clean my altar and do a little sadhana...just the Devi Kavach or something.

Right after I made that decision, Maa called.

I think of the saying that for every step we take toward God, God takes one hundred steps toward us.

Sailaputri Ma - Goddess of Inspiration 

 

 

Jai Sailaputri Ma! Jai Shree Maa!

I love you Maa...thank you.

shree maa and Shree Maa

Jai Shree Maa.  More and more I realize that Maa is the spirit of love and giving.

She really is so much more than just her body.

I can try and deny her...try and put up a shield when I feel angry or hurt that I am not around her like I would like to be.

But ultimately, how can I deny my own soul? It is so sad to push her away! It is the giving up of love and the embracement of anger and hatred. That is not what the spiritual path should be about.

A

Maa is the most beautiful. Sometimes I think her the cause of my troubles (sorry to say), for She is Kali, the Energy of Transformation.  But when I move from the mind to the heart, she allows me to remember that She is the most soothing.

The most loving.

Completely loving.

Always giving love, even when I do not accept her love and then blame her for the resulting discomfort.

She is the Mother.

The mind is veeeery tricky. It creates our own suffering and then shields the truth of our responsibility in this matter so that we blame the outside. Thus we remain in the cycle of suffering.

If I can't be around Maa's body, so be it, but then I at least want to try to learn to live with the soul.

Jesus is part of the path back to her. The act of forgiveness. Of becoming soft, so that we can let the love and the light in.

May all minds be receptive to this love and to this grace.  Swami reminds again and again that kripa, the Sanskrit word for grace, means "what you do is what you get." Kri = do and pa = get.

I think this can be more subtle than practicing meditation and receiving enlightenment. Or offering money and getting good karma. Perhaps the do can be as subtle as the tiniest energeting shift to open up. And then from that, the grace comes flooding in, and opens up the pathway so that even more grace can come.

They do say, after all, that if we take one step towards Divine Mother, she takes a thousand steps toward us.

J A I    S H R E E   M A A

In our hearts, we love you Maa. Please help us not to forget. For your love is always there, but our love makes the difference of whether or not we feel it.

When we have love, we feel your love. It's the same love.

One love. One Maa. One Soul. Jai Maa.