Hi Again and Sailaputri Ma

So much has happened since my last post. [I have some writing from this time period stored on my computer, which I will try to soon edit and publish with its proper date.]

Good news first: I have begun performing the entire Cosmic Puja at the mandir, and will be staying at the temple for 2 months as the cosmic pujari when Maa and Swami go away to India.

I am very happy and grateful for this - it is the first time in more than two years I will be able to settle in in one place without driving back and forth all the time, and get to focus on my sadhana. And at the mandir no less - at the Cosmic Altar, in front of Mahalakshmi and all the deities, with the spiritual vibrations of the temple, and Maa and Swami's blessings.

Things are going well with Maa and Swami too. As time goes on, I feel more and more comfortable with them and that I can be myself - be real with them. And as the relationship grows, so does my seva. Or maybe the relationship grows because of my seva. I dont know, but anyways, they are growing together.

However, I've also gotten myself into some trouble over these last months with interpersonal issues. Completely unexpected, but hey, that's part of my life. I've learned a lot, I've made a lot of mistakes that are seeming to have some large kickbacks, which I go in and out of feeling very sad about, but I feel good knowing that now I'm picking up some of the pieces and moving forward. It's funny too that at this time I'm picking back up this blog, and it feels really good.

So, moving right along, here's my story for the day:

Today was not a great day for Shivani. I was very upset and depressed, with translated into not eating well, in bed a lot, never showered, did no sadhana…have you ever had one of those days?

I had been feeling good too and really getting into a rhythm with my puja, which I knew Divine Mother was very happy about. I had done my puja before leaving for the mandir this past weekend, and as of getting back last night and this morning and dealing with the emotions and upset of everything, still had not cleaned it.

I started to watch the Mandir class on Hanuman Puja at 6 pm tonight (you should check it out - it's very inspiring), and even typed in a question to be asked at the end, but then I fell asleep about halfway through the class, as I was lying in bed watching (note to self: [please sit up for class). When I woke up it was a little past 9 and dark outside.

I got out of bed, and looked for my phone to see if anyone had called (mostly, to see if I had missed a class from Maa). I was still feeling very groggy and depressed, but I had a bit of inspiration and told myself ok im going to at least clean my altar and do a little sadhana...just the Devi Kavach or something.

Right after I made that decision, Maa called.

I think of the saying that for every step we take toward God, God takes one hundred steps toward us.

Sailaputri Ma - Goddess of Inspiration 

 

 

Jai Sailaputri Ma! Jai Shree Maa!

I love you Maa...thank you.